Monday, November 3, 2014

From the Desk of "Oh My God" Number One: Candice's "Lesbian"

By: Kelly McClure


I don't even know what to title this. I don't even know where to begin. Should I write a poem? Should I write some swears on the knee of my jeans? I have no words, and then also, at the same time, more words than I have the time or energy to organize right now.

Moments ago I was sitting at my desk eating a salad and reading through my Twitter feed when the word "Lesbian" caught my eye. "Oh! Lesbians! I like those sometimes!" was the thought I had. But then I focused in on what I was experiencing, spent some time with it, and ended up feeling something like this:


Without my consent, THIS SONG came into my life. 

Here's part of the chorus:

"Cuz you act like a girl sometimes, It's like I'm in a relationship with a chick ... Got me feelin' like a lesbian."

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO 

Did we know about this song? Should I have known about this song a long time ago? Do people like this song? What is this song? Who's Candice? Am I upset? We should be upset about this right? Is there someone I can speak to about this? Candice? 

Lesbians don't ask for much. We just want some soft shirts and to snatch up all the boobies in the world. We just want some coffee and a cheap matinee. We just want happy hours as far as the eye can see, and some cats. Can we not have this song be a thing? Can we just stop this? 

Okay. Thanks. 



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