Saturday, May 23, 2015

A Week in the Life of the Slug That Lives on My Front Stoop

By: Kelly McClure


MONDAY

Well, here it is. A fresh week. Oh God, here comes this asshole. 


TUESDAY: 

Yeah, why not put your foot a little closer to me? Idiot.


WEDNESDAY:

You bitches have that whole big house. Why the hell do you keep coming out here? This is my house, and I don't like you. Dumb bitches.

THURSDAY:

I'm not trying to touch you. Why do you keep trying to touch me? Don't touch me anymore. Your finger makes me sick. Stupid. You stupid, stupid, asshole.

FRIDAY:

TGIF! 

SATURDAY:

Fine, don't even ask me why I'm sad. I'll tell you anyway. My friend Lance took a walk around a margarita late last night. 

SUNDAY:

Someday I'm gonna get off this stoop. I can go anywhere I want. I can go right off into that grass if I feel like it. You smelly, stupid, retards.

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