Tuesday, December 2, 2014

How Long's This Gonna Take? Gilmore Girls

By: Kelly McClure


I can't remember when I first learned that Netflix would begin hosting the FULL SERIES of Gilmore Girls starting today, October 1st, but I do know that my first reaction was: "I'm gonna watch the whole thing as fast as possible." 

I've of course already seen all the episodes, and know them very well, but there is this very enjoyable,  time consuming, unnecessary obstacle in front of me, so why not take it on? Starting today, the day the series was first made available on Netflix, I'm going to feverishly watch them all, sacrificing other things I could be doing, while writing a thing in real time directly after each episode letting everyone know what I took away from the episode, and perhaps sharing a small, random, and out of context tale from my own personal life, or at least a picture of a snack. It might take a really long time. It might take an embarrassingly short amount of time. Either way this will be kept as a draft and then UNLEASHED upon the internet once I've completed the series. Doesn't that sound like a huge waste of energy?? Let's get started.

Day One: October 1, 2014

Season One. Episode One: "Pilot"

Moral of the story: Follow your dreams, don't give up what YOU want to do for a crush, and don't be afraid to ask your parents for money because they're dicks anyway and you deserve it. 


Thing I ate while watching this: Peanut butter and banana sandwich with some crackers.


Season One. Episode Two: "The Lorelais' First Day at Chilton"

Moral of the story: Don't wear jean shorts to drop your daughter off at her fancy new school for the first time or people will wonder if you work at a rodeo. 


Thing I ate while watching this: Popcorn and beer. 


Season One. Episode Three: "Kill Me Now" 

Moral of the story: Golfing with your grandfather can be a fun and bonding experience, but it might make your Mom want to drink white wine. 

Season One. Episode Four: "The Deer Hunters"

Moral of the story: It's important to study hard at school, but don't study so hard that you oversleep and then get hit by a deer. Also, if you make a meal and a man doesn't like it, make it again and take it to his home and make him eat it again while you wait outside.


Day Two: October 2, 2014

Season One. Episode Five: "Cinnamon's Wake"

Moral of the story: It's emotionally irresponsible to go out on a date the same day that a cat dies.


Thing I ate while watching this: A Big Salad. 

Season One. Episode Six: "Rory's Birthday Parties"

Moral of the story: When your grandma makes you pudding, it forgives the fact that she's usually a huge bitch. One time my grandma told my Mom that I have no manners because she didn't get a thank you card for something she had given me only one day prior. 

Season One. Episode Seven: "Kiss and Tell"

Moral of the story: Tell your Mom about your first kiss or else she'll just hear about it from the town's dance instructor and be bummed she didn't hear it from you. I told my Mom about my first kiss by yelling down the stairs: "I just kissed Gregory in the closet six times!" and then I got in a lot of trouble. 

Season One. Episode Eight: "Love & War & Snow"

Moral of the story: Don't touch people's hair without them giving prior consent, even if it IS snowing outside. One time I was in an elevator standing behind a young boy and I had the all consuming urge to pat him on the head, so I did, and then I felt insane.


Day Three: October 4, 2014 

Season One. Episode Nine: "Rory's Dance"

Moral of the story: If you go to the dance with a boy and then fall asleep on a yoga mat, your grandma will think you're a slut.


Day Four: October 5, 2014

Season One. Episode Ten: "Forgiveness and Stuff"

Moral of the story: If you don't let your husband loosen his tie at the dinner table, he'll have a heart attack and it'll be your fault. 

Season One. Episode Eleven: "Paris is Burning"

Moral of the story: If you get caught kissing your daughter's teacher, the whole town will think things about you.

Season One. Episode Twelve: "Double Date" 

Moral of the story: A lot of times when you have a crush on someone, it will end up not being worth it on account of them being stupid.


Thing I ate while watching this: Apples and peanut butter.

Season One. Episode Thirteen: "Concert Interruptus"

Moral of the story: If your friend's Mom takes you to see the Bangles, don't leave during the concert to go off with some boys, or else you'll be a slut. One time my parents drove my second girlfriend ever and I to see Nine Inch Nails open for David Bowie. We left mid-way during David Bowie to go outside the venue and smoke and kiss. We lost track of time and I heard my mom's "come here right now" whistle. She had been driving around the parking lot looking for us and when we ran up to the car she looked at me like I was a human trash can. 

Season One. Episode Fourteen: "That Damn Donna Reed"

Moral of the story: When you ask a man over to your house for the purpose of him helping you find a loose baby chicken, he'll naturally assume that means he's there for sex reasons. 


Day Five: October 6, 2014

Season One. Episode Fifteen: "Christopher Returns"

Moral of the story: Don't unexpectedly have sex with the father of your child or you'll forget to help your friend paint his diner.

Season One. Episode Sixteen: "Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers"

Moral of the story: If your boyfriend is building you a car, you should tell him you love him no matter what.

Season One. Episode Seventeen: "The Breakup, Part II"

Moral of the story: When you're sad, you should eat ice cream. A lot of people can't eat when they're upset, but I'm the exact opposite. When I'm happy, I'm too busy to eat, but when I'm depressed I'm like "might as well eat this shit and hope for a heart attack."

Season One. Episode Eighteen: "The Third Lorelai"

Moral of the story: Family members can only get you to hang out with them if they pay you.


Day Six: October 8, 2014.

Season One. Episode Nineteen: "Emily in Wonderland"

Moral of the story: Don't convince a guy you have a crush on to date someone else or he'll start making really bad coffee.


Day Seven: October 9, 2014

Season One. Episode Twenty: "P.S. I Lo..."

Moral of the story: It's normal to be sad when you're recovering from a breakup, but just don't be a dick about it.

Season One. Episode Twenty-One: "Love, Daisies and Troubadours." 

Moral of the story: It's important to say "I love you" to someone before some other jerk beats you to it.


Day Eight: October 12, 2014

Season Two. Episode One: "Sadie, Sadie ..." 

Moral of the story: Be nice to people and tell them things, or else they won't know, and you won't care.


Thing I ate while watching this: Pumpkin seeds.

Season Two. Episode Two: "Hammers and Veils" 

Moral of the story: Sometimes you have to force people to participate in very important things.

Season Two. Episode Three: "Red Light on the Wedding Night."

Moral of the story: Marriage is only a good idea when you're criminally obsessed with the person you're planning to marry.

Season Two. Episode Four: The Road Trip to Harvard." 

Moral of the story: Bed and Breakfasts are the worst.

Season Two. Episode Five: "Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy."

Moral of the story: The best way to whip an unruly teenager into shape is not to shove him in a river.

Season Two. Episode Six: "Presenting Lorelai Gilmore." 

Moral of the story: Knowing how to ballroom dance doesn't seem important, but it is.

Season Two. Episode Seven: "Like Mother, Like Daughter."

Moral of the story: It is basically the most annoying thing ever to be told time after time that you need to be more social. Rory doesn't need to be more social. No one needs to be more social. Stop it. YOU go be more social.


Day Nine: October 14, 2014

Season Two. Episode Eight: "The Ins & Outs of Inns."

Moral of the story: If you're doing things right, home is where the least amount of people are yelling at you.

Day Ten: October 16, 2014

Season Two. Episode Nine: "Run Away Little Boy."

Moral of the story: If you perform the death scene in Romeo and Juliet at school and a girl plays Romeo, no matter WHAT happens do NOT actually kiss because that would be disgusting!



Thing I ate while watching this: A shit load of Thai food. 

Season Two. Episode Ten: "The Bracebridge Dinner."

Moral of the story: If you're going to dress in period costume for a fancy dinner party, don't wear a Fossil watch.

Season Two. Episode Eleven: "Secrets and Loans."

Moral of the story: If your house is falling down, it's okay to ask for money to fix it.  Ask anyone you can. 

Season Two. Episode Twelve: "Richard in Stars Hollow."

Moral of the story: If you plan to retire, make sure you have something to occupy your newly free time, or else your whole family will hate you.

Season Two. Episode Thirteen: "A-Tisket, A-Tasket."

Moral of the story: You should really only allow yourself to eat the picnic basket of the person you love.



Thing I ate while watching this: Pumpkin beer and a crabby cookie. 


Day Eleven: October 18, 2014

Season Two. Episode Fourteen: "It Should've Been Lorelai."

Moral of the story: Don't ever let your baby daddy's GF take your kid to the movies.

Season Two. Episode Fifteen: "Lost & Found."

Moral of the story: Having a crush on someone doesn't mean it's ever a good idea to steal bracelets from them.

Season Two. Episode Sixteen: "There's the Rub."

Moral of the story: A young woman should literally be allowed to eat fries with whoever she damn well pleases.

Season Two. Episode Seventeen: "Dead Uncles & Vegetables."

Moral of the story: Even if you're a huge asshole, at least one person will figure out how to give you a funeral.


Day Twelve: October 19, 2014

Season Two. Episode Eighteen: "Back in the Saddle Again."

Moral of the story: Most people who retire end up not liking it because they are left with unlimited free time that they are then forced to share with their family. My Dad recently went from full-time to part-time and started collecting guns, so ...

Season Two. Episode Nineteen: "Teach Me Tonight."

Moral of the story: No matter how much you look like a young Sylvester Stallone, if you crash a girl's car, you gotta get on a bus and go away.

Season Two. Episode Twenty: "Help Wanted."

Moral of the story: Personally, I don't really think a sticker would stick to a cast.

Season Two. Episode Twenty-One: "Lorelai's Graduation Day."

Moral of the story: Chances are that anytime you have to ride on a bus, you'll be sitting next to someone spitting into a can.

Season Two. Episode Twenty-Two: "I Can't Get  Started."

Moral of the story: Weddings make people want to have sex and kiss.


Season Three. Episode One: "Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days."

Moral of the story: Keeping a donut in your purse is always a good idea.

Season Three. Episode Two: "Haunted Leg."

Moral of the story: No matter who the father of your child is married to, or who the boy you love is kissing on a tree, at the end of the day there will always be snacks.

Season Three. Episode Three: "Application Anxiety."

Moral of the story: College's care about good grades, sure, but they also care about other stuff too.


Day Thirteen: October 23, 2014

Season Three. Episode Four: "One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes."

Moral of the story: Don't get pregnant, and if you do, don't talk about it.

Season Three. Episode Five: "Eight O'Clock at the Oasis." 

Moral of the story: Most people are really stupid and boring.

Season Three. Episode Six: "Take the Deviled Eggs."

Moral of the story: Even Stars Hollow frowns upon being a loner. It's so frustrating.

Season Three. Episode Seven: "They Shoot Gilmores. Don't They?"

Moral of the story: Jess is one million times more attractive than Dean and I'm glad that Dean and Rory broke up, even though I'm pretty sure I remember them getting back together in a later episode.


Day Fourteen: October 24, 2014

Season Three. Episode Eight: "Let the Games Begin."

Moral of the story: A road trip is never JUST a road trip.


Day Fifteen: October 26, 2014

Season Three. Episode Nine: "A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving."

Moral of the story: Holidays are a great time to unleash your built up hostility on your friends and family. One Christmas my Mom disappeared for the whole day and we had no idea where she was. My Dad and I spent the whole day staring at the TV and being sad. We later found out that she had booked a room in a hotel as punishment for my Dad and I missing my Grandma's 80th birthday, which had taken place months prior.

Season Three. Episode Ten: "That'll Do, Pig."

Moral of the story: It would definitely not be uncommon for a family member to judge you by what kind of couch you have.

Season Three. Episode Eleven: "I Solemnly Swear ..."

Moral of the story: Sometimes you have to say nice things about a family member in court, but there are no nice things to say.

Season Three. Episode Twelve: "Lorelai Out of Water."

Moral of the story: Having a pet fish in your bathtub that you caught in a river isn't very practical, but probably lots of fun.

Season Three. Episode Thirteen: "Dear Emily and Richard."

Moral of the story: One time I was in the hospital for three days having a fucked up ovary removed and no one came to visit me the whole time. When the hospital said it was okay to leave after the third day, I took a cab home. Anyway, it's nice when you have people close to you who'd drop everything to come be with you if you're in the hospital.

Season Three. Episode Fourteen: "Swan Song."

Moral of the story: Anyone who has a super close relationship with their Mom should feel really lucky. Also, one time, at this weird kindergarten I went to that was basically some lady's farmhouse, a goose chased me down and bit me in the butt.

Season Three. Episode Fifteen: "Face-Off."

Moral of the story: Making dates is hard, and coming up with interesting things to do is hard, but you have to do it.

Day Sixteen: October 27, 2014

Season Three. Episode Sixteen:  "The Big One." 

Moral of the story: Having sex not only means that you're a slutty slut face, but that you will not get accepted into the college of your choice. Don't have sex, GIRLS. (Just girls.)



Thing I ate while watching this: Cheap big beer and a B&W cookie. 

Season Three. Episode Seventeen: "A Tale of Poes and Fire."

Moral of the story: Sometimes it takes a fire and sharing beds with strangers to bring a town together.


Day Seventeen: October 30, 2014

Season Three. Episode Eighteen: "Happy Birthday, Baby."

Moral of the story: Money makes people really weird.

Season Three. Episode Nineteen: "Keg! Max"

Moral of the story: Getting drunk at a high school party after receiving bad news is not a good idea. One time in high school I went to a party while upset about something that had happened previously and I fell through a glass table and puked pizza in someone's room.

Season Three. Episode Twenty: "Say Goodnight, Gracie."

Moral of the story: If you don't graduate from high school, you shouldn't be allowed to have a girlfriend. Period.

Season Three. Episode Twenty-One: "Here Comes the Sun."

Moral of the story: Boys.


Day Eighteen: November 1, 2014

Season Three. Episode Twenty-Two: "Those Are Strings Pinocchio."

Moral of the story: If you work hard in school, you will get a brand new car when you graduate, your grandparents will pay your tuition for Yale, and your Mom will be able to buy a boutique hotel.


Season Four. Episode One: "Ballrooms & Biscotti"

Moral of the story: It's important to spend your last night at home before leaving for Yale in the best possible way. Of all the snacks to eat during this time, biscotti would be my last pick.


Day Nineteen: November 2, 2014

Season Four. Episode Two: "The Lorelais' First Day at Yale."

Moral of the story: Some people have Mom's who love them.



Day Twenty: November 4, 2014

Season Four. Episode Three: "The Hobbit, the Sofa, and Digger Stiles."

Moral of the story: The best thing to do when your grandma buys you furniture for your dorm at Yale is to complain about it.




Thing I ate while watching this: Leftovers thing with peas.

Season Four. Episode Four: "Chicken or Beef?"

Moral of the story: There's really no good reason to ever concern yourself with an ex's wedding.

Season Four. Episode Five: "The Fundamental Things Apply."

Moral of the story: Dating is awkward because most people are retarded and awkwardly hard to talk to in an enjoyable way.


Day Twenty-One: November 7, 2014

Season Four. Episode Six: "An Affair to Remember."

Moral of the story: People are babies and will disappoint you any way they can, as often as they can. That being said, lobster pot pie sounds amazing.

Season Four. Episode Seven: "The Festival of Living Art."

Moral of the story: Make as many lesbian jokes as you possibly can.


Day Twenty-Two: November 8, 2014

Season Four. Episode Eight: "Die, Jerk."

Moral of the story: Rory learns an important lesson about the internet and writing reviews, and that is to use both to be rampantly mean.

Season Four. Episode Nine: "Ted Koppel's Big Night Out"

Moral of the story: Booze makes everything better.

Season Four. Episode Ten: "The Nanny and the Professor."

Moral of the story: The theme of this episode was sleeping with people and keeping it a secret. I have always personally made a habit out of sleeping with people and then writing about it for magazines and/or the internet, so I can't really relate.


Day Twenty-Three: November 9, 2014

Season Four. Episode Eleven: "In the Clamor and the Clangor."

Moral of the story: Moving out of your parents' house is very often the best possible thing you can do.

Season Four. Episode Twelve: "A Family Matter."

Moral of the story: Almost anything is fair game when it comes to treating family members like shit, but NOT letting them freeze to death in a car.

Season Four. Episode Thirteen: "Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospels."

Moral of the story: Out of a crowd of people to like, people will usually choose the most dickish one.

Season Four. Episode Fourteen: "The Incredible Sinking Lorelais."

Moral of the story: The best way to fix any situation is to cry about it to a man, and then go to bed.

Season Four. Episode Fifteen: "Scene in a Mall."

Moral of the story: Spending money makes you feel better. Or does it?

Season Four. Episode Sixteen: "The Reigning Lorelai."

Moral of the story: Death is a good a time as any to let yourself go completely insane.

Season Four. Episode Seventeen: "Girl in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist."

Moral of the story: Most straight people think that lesbianism has something to do with Spring Break.

Season Four. Episode Eighteen: "Tick, Tick, Tick Boom."

Moral of the story: In a pinch? Lie about something!



Day Twenty-Four: November 10, 2014

Season Four. Episode Nineteen: "Afterboom."

Moral of the story: Money is more important than family. Or is it?

Season Four. Episode Twenty: "Luke Can See Her Face."

Moral of the story: Almost anything can be learned from books.



Thing I ate while watching this: Popcorn with sea salt and truffle oil.

Season Four. Episode Twenty-One: "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights."

Moral of the story: Love is all about communication, but not really.

Season Four. Episode Twenty-Two: "Raincoats and Recipes."

Moral of the story: Soft openings of new boutique hotels cause people to want to have sex.


Day Twenty-Five: November 12, 2014

Season Five. Episode One: "Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller."

Moral of the story: If you have sex with a married man, you get a free trip to Europe. 

Season Five. Episode Two: "A Messenger, Nothing More."

Moral of the story: If you have something private and personal that you need to tell someone, something that you'd never want to be discovered, definitely write it down in a physical letter.

Season Five. Episode Three: "Written in the Stars."

Moral of the story: A lot of people have things to say about other people's relationships, except my father. I told him I was getting married and he said "Why now?" And then it was never brought up again.

Season Five. Episode Four: "Tippecanoe and Taylor, Too."

Moral of the story: "If you act like a dick, you'll get unanimously voted out of something."

Season Five. Episode Five: "We Got Us a Pippi Virgin."

Moral of the story: It's hard to have a successful double date because chances are at least one of the four people is going to be an asshole.

Season Five. Episode Six: "Normal Mailer, I'm Pregnant."

Moral of the story: Compromise? Responsibility? Norman Mailer doesn't like lunch.


Day Twenty-Six: November 14, 2014

Season Five. Episode Seven: "You Jump, I Jump, Jack."

Moral of the story: It is much more admirable to surround yourself with people who would jump off of buildings holding an umbrella, than people who wouldn't. This is the most sincere thing I've ever said.

Season Five. Episode Eight: "The Party's Over."

Moral of the story: If given the option of choosing between a guy with a pick-up truck and a guy with a limo, most girls would choose the guy with the limo, but not me. I'd choose the guy with the widest penis. (LOL. J/K)


Day Twenty-Seven: November 15, 2014

Season Five. Episode Nine: "Emily Says Hello"

Moral of the story: Dating new people after you've ended a long-term relationship is either hard, or amazing. The last time I broke up with someone I quickly followed it up with public sex in a strip club that caused both myself and my friend to get thrown out. Then we wrote a story about it and strippers yelled at us on the internet for a long time. Oh well.

Season Five. Episode Ten: "But Not As Cute As Pushkin."

Moral of the story: When you love someone, even if you don't know that you love them yet, it's best to act like a loud dick to them.



Thing I ate while watching this: Graham crackers with butter.

Season Five. Episode Eleven: "Women of Questionable Morals."

Moral of the story: It's never okay to lie to the person you're dating, especially not if they're the type of person to build you an ice rink.

Season Five. Episode Twelve: "Come Home."

Moral of the story: People like to say that money can't buy everything, but it can. It totally can!


Day Twenty-Eight: November 19, 2014

Season Five. Episode Thirteen: "Wedding Bell Blues."

Moral of the story: Alcohol mixed with having a penis = big trouble.

Season Five. Episode Fourteen: "Say Something."

Moral of the story: If you wanna have sex with someone, you need to just come out and say so.




Thing I ate while watching this: Leftover pizza with ranch.

Season Five. Episode Fifteen: "Jews and Chinese Food."

Moral of the story: If you don't have a lot of money, you'll never get to watch TV with the girl of your dreams.

Season Five. Episode Sixteen: "So...Good Talk."

Moral of the story: Parents are always just fucking shit up.


Day Twenty-Nine: November 20, 2014

Season Five. Episode Seventeen: "Pulp Friction."

Moral of the story: There is never anything "casual" about open relationships and the majority of them revolve around one person wanting to fuck the other, and "fuck" the other.

Season Five. Episode Eighteen: "To Die and Let Diorama."

Moral of the story: Booze makes everything better until you get too drunk and discover your boyfriend plays the banjo.


Day Thirty: November 21, 2014

Season Five. Episode Nineteen: "But I'm a Gilmore."

Moral of the story: Rich people can be super mean assholes, but sometimes they give you stuff, so it's okay?

Season Five. Episode Twenty: How Many Kropogs to Cape Cod?

Moral of the story: It's hard to know what to do or how to act when your family is shitting all over you.

Season Five. Episode Twenty-One: "Blame Booze and Melville."

Moral of the story: If anyone ever tells you that you're not cut out to be a journalist you should thank them and then go get an ice cream.

Season Five. Episode Twenty-Two: "A House is Not a Home."

Moral of the story: People make very stressful and stupid decisions sometimes and there's not much you can do to change their minds.


Day Thirty-One: November 22, 2014

Season Six. Episode One: "New and Improved Lorelai."

Moral of the story: There's really no telling what will happen once you get inside of a court room.

Season Six. Episode Two: "Fight Face."

Moral of the story: It's super important to be busy, but don't do a shitty job at whatever you're busy doing.

Season Six. Episode Three: "The Ungraduate."

Moral of the story: Stay in school. 

Season Six. Episode Four: "Always a Godmother, Never a God."

Moral of the story: Watching a movie where Rosie O' Donnel plays a mentally disabled person who's obsessed with riding the bus isn't as fun when your daughter isn't there to watch with you. 

Season Six. Episode Five: "We've Got Magic to Do."

Moral of the story: Telling someone to their face that they're a shit head feels great, but there's a special kind of feeling to be had when someone who loves you curses someone out on your behalf. 

Season Six. Episode Six: "Welcome to the Dollhouse."

Moral of the story: Just because someone buys you an expensive purse it doesn't mean they love you.

Season Six. Episode Seven: "Twenty-One is the Loneliest Number."

Moral of the story: Don't ever let your grandparents find out that you have sex. 


Day Thirty-Two: November 23, 2014

Season Six. Episode Eight: "Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out."

Moral of the story: No matter which family member you try to live with, eventually they will turn on you. Have I told the story yet about how my Aunt kicked me out because I didn't talk to the maid enough?

Season Six. Episode Nine: "The Prodigal Daughter Returns."

Moral of the story: Sometimes you have to be willing to do something cutesy to get the job of your dreams. 

Season Six. Episode Ten: "He's Slippin' 'Em Bread ... Dig?"

Moral of the story: If you are surrounded by money, it's really easy to make more and more money.

Season Six. Episode Eleven: "The Perfect Dress."

Moral of the story: A wedding doesn't seem real unless you're stressed about something. 

Season Six. Episode Twelve: "Just Like Gwen and Gavin."

Moral of the story: If you find out that you have a kid, you should say something. 

Season Six. Episode Thirteen: "Friday Night's Alright for Fighting."

Moral of the story: A lot of times people offer to pay for things just so they can be in control of you in this weird way.


Day Thirty-Three: November 25, 2014

Season Six. Episode Fourteen: "You've Been Gilmored."

Moral of the story: Living with the person you're dating while you're both still in college is probably a bad idea. 

Season Six. Episode Fifteen: "A Vineyard Valentine." 

Moral of the story: If you listen to what your parents tell you to do to the extent that it interferes with your holiday plans, then you're a pussy face.

Season Six. Episode Sixteen: "Bridesmaids Revisited."

Moral of the story: A couple is only broken up if both parties know about it. 


Day Thirty-Four: November 26, 2014

Season Six. Episode Seventeen: "I'm OK, You're OK."

Moral of the story: In some cultures, in order to get married you have to have written a hit song. Seems stressful.

Season Six. Episode Eighteen: "The Real Paul Anka."

Moral of the story: You should figure out who you want to be with romantically by tallying up who you most often drive far to kiss. 



Thing I ate while watching this: Breakfast quesadilla

Season Six. Episode Nineteen: "I Get a Sidekick Out of You."

Moral of the story: People like to make other people's weddings all about them somehow. 

Season Six. Episode Twenty: "Super Cool Party People."

Moral of the story: Being a single mom is hard, and throwing parties for kids is hard. 

Season Six. Episode Twenty-One: "Driving Miss Gilmore."

Moral of the story: If you're constantly afraid of whether or not the person you're dating is going to marry you, then maybe you should just calm down and think about something else. 


Day Thirty-Five: November 28, 2014

Season Six. Episode Twenty-Two: "Partings."

Moral of the story: You can't force someone to love you, but if they don't love you, tell them to go eat a bag of dog dicks, or at least think it in your head. Say it on the internet. 


Season Seven. Episode One: "The Long Morrow."

Moral of the story: If you get in a fight with someone you're dating and then immediately sleep with someone else ... that's a bad thing to do. You're not very nice.

Season Seven. Episode Two: "That's What You Get, Folks, For Makin' Whoopie."

Moral of the story: If you have sex, even once, you will throw up a lot and then be pregnant.


Day Thirty-Six: November 29, 2014

Season Seven. Episode Three: "Lorelai's First Cotillion."

Moral of the story: Sending dirty texts is a good way to keep your long distance relationship running smoothly. You can learn how to do it by reading a book. 


Thing I ate while watching this: Leftover pumpkin pie. 

Season Seven. Episode Four: "S Wonderful, S Marvelous."

Moral of the story: Even if you love a person, certain things can overshadow that love from time to time. Like prison. Or popcorn. 

Season Seven. Episode Five: "The Great Stink."

Moral of the story: Jealousy makes people annoying and boring.

Season Seven. Episode Six: "Go Bulldogs!"

Moral of the story: Throwing money around isn't a very nice way to try to impress people. 

Season Seven. Episode Seven: "French Twist."

Moral of the story: Getting married on a whim while in Paris is a great idea. Even if your daughter isn't there, and even if it's actually probably a horrible idea.

Season Seven. Episode Eight: "Introducing Lorelai Planetarium." 

Moral of the story: Writing snarky articles is tempting, fun, and easy, but it will make a lot of people mad at you and you have to decide if you care about that or not.

Season Seven. Episode Nine: "Knit, People, Knit."

Moral of the story: Small towns are very often filled with strange people who make it hard to move there and have normal friends.

Season Seven. Episode Ten: "Merry Fisticuffs."

Moral of the story: When you're overly frustrated and feel like nothing will make your situation better, punch someone.


Day Thirty-Seven: November 30, 2014

Season Seven. Episode Eleven: "Santa's Secret Stuff."

Moral of the story: It can definitely backfire if not executed properly, but for the most part, lying to people is your best bet across the board.

Season Seven. Episode Twelve: "To Whom it May Concern."

Moral of the story: It's not cool to constantly be making your wife pregnant when she doesn't really want to be.

Season Seven. Episode Thirteen: "I'd Rather be in Philadelphia."

Moral of the story: You should immediately divorce anyone who doesn't come to the emergency room to be with you when you need them.

Season Seven. Episode Fourteen: "Farewell, My Pet."

Moral of the story: In many ways, the loss of an animal hurts worse than splitting up from someone you were trying to be with but never actually liked a whole lot.

Season Seven. Episode Fifteen: "I'm a Kayak, Hear Me Roar."

Moral of the story: Some people are big time dicks unless they're drunk.

Season Seven. Episode Sixteen: "Will You Be My Lorelai Gilmore?"

Moral of the story: Even if you lose three million dollars in a bad business venture, you should still go to your wife's friend's baby shower. It's just the nice thing to do.

Season Seven. Episode Seventeen: "Gilmore Girls Only."

Moral of the story: It's hard to learn how to be a good parent. Some parents never do.


Day Thirty-Eight: December 1, 2014

Season Seven. Episode Eighteen: "Hay Bale Maze."

Moral of the story: You need to be responsible for stuff.

Season Seven. Episode Nineteen: "It's Just Like Riding a Bike."

Moral of the story: Maintaining a career and a relationship is hard when you continuously pretend to care about both when you know full well that you only give a shit about yourself and your career.

Season Seven. Episode Twenty:"Lorelai? Lorelai?"

Moral of the story: Karaoke is always embarrassing. Especially when you're trying to be all feelingsy about it.

Season Seven.  Episode Twenty-One: "Unto the Breach."

Moral of the story: If you propose to someone in public and they say they need to think about it, the polite thing to do is kill yourself.


Day Thirty-Nine: December 2, 2014

Season Seven. Episode Twenty-Two: "Bon Voyage."

Moral of the story: Sometimes it seems like a waste of time and energy to form and maintain friendships with people, because most people are awful and will fail you any chance they get. But in the end, a life well-lived is a life that's shared. Or something.



A little over halfway through this project/post/thing I started to have thoughts about how the minute you take something out of the realm of pure enjoyment, and attach a "task" to it, it becomes drained of pleasure by 50%. What does that say about the field of entertainment criticism? Take for instance a person who loves films and aspires to become a film critic, and then succeeds, only to find themselves almost dreading doing the thing they once loved because now they can't just sit and enjoy it, they have to sit, removed, ready to criticize it, or praise it - which either way pulls them out of the wonderful position of being able to simply sit and let it scoop them up and away. When you're actively trying to say a thing about a thing, there is no "away." You're setting yourself up to be an arm's length from the thing you love. I guess this is why all entertainment writers are crabby weirdos with poorish social skills. They loved one thing, and probably only that one thing, and now their paychecks (or at least beer money) are anchored to their ability to break that one thing down into little pieces multiple times a day, every day. What an awkwardly weird tragedy. 

Watching episode after episode of this show, and taking notes on each one directly after, I began to see the show as a burden rather than a thing I clearly love enough to watch all the way through twice. Then other things began to happen - the one year anniversary of my Mom's death rolled around,  the week of preparation leading up to my wedding, my wedding, the week following my wedding, my first Thanksgiving as part of a married couple. And through all of these things, this show was going on. This show, already an indelible part of my young adulthood, was now an even more indelible part of my middle-aged hood. And I guess that's the magic of dumb shows like this. They not only pass time, but they mark it.

Tally:

Seven seasons / 22 episodes a season / 43 (Aprx.) minutes an episode = 6,622 minutes. 




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