Monday, June 29, 2015

I Was Outside The Supreme Court For The Gay Marriage Decision

By: Pete Johnson

Gay marriage is legal now, which is kind of the fucking best. I work near the supreme court building in downtown DC so I got to go down there and smile with everyone right after they announced the good news. It made me feel, like, feelings.

Here is a list of things that standing outside the Supreme Court building for the gay marriage being legal thing made me feel like:

-They made a new Super Bowl

-We won it

-All of my Super-Bowl winning teammates are super gay

-I think maybe I can finagle a 2 week vacation in Panama this next winter

-If I ever won the Super Bowl my speech would be off the chains

-I love gay people

-I love this

-It is so fun to be in a crowd of people who are so happy

-Why am I crying

-I'm so glad I have headphones, music is fun 

-Why am I still crying this is weird

-If you ever said anything bad about nice people wanting to marry each other well then go fuck yourself the most I hate you

-It is weird that Kanye put out that song 'Runaway' and otherwise he sucks so bad, maybe he is a secret genius

-Wow this song is so good

-Human achievement is amazing

-Why did it take us so long to legalize gay marriage

-Oh right, because we are the worst 

-I kinda wish I wasn't crying

-It would be nice if I didn't have to go back to work, then I could just make friends with these happy gay people and start a new life

-I know violence is never the answer but if you don't like gay marriage well then maybe you should get stomped

-If I started a new life with these awesome people I think my name would be Dave

-Why is Bob Marley singing about love in my headphones

-I need to step my headphone game up

-hashtag secret weirdo walking around the supreme court crying his face off

-Love is the best

-When is the last time I gave a fuck? Giving a fuck is bad.

-R.I.P. Uncle Spence, I wish he was here and riding his motorcycle into a new life with me

-In Uncle Spence's new life he would also be called Dave

-Shit I gotta go back to work

-Crying is fun

-I'm going to go back to the office with a fresh "gay marriage motherfucker" face tattoo

-It's like my happiness is spilling out of my eyeballs

-I'm probably never going to get a face tattoo, at least not until I'm pretty old

-I'm totally gonna try heroin when I'm real old, I mean why would you not?

-You are real good at singing to me about love right now, Mr. Bob Marley.