Friday, October 10, 2014

The Red Wolf’s Lament

By: Ben Seeder

“Dear Lydia, this is President Barack Obama” clownin’ me and the Red Wolf are high as giraffe nuts at Gold Room turnt up as fuck what’s your deal you said you were looking to turn up and now radio silence? We’ve still got a few grams but it’s mostly shake please don’t tell me you’re still at Wing Stop with Gwendolyn housing fries there’s talk of after hours in K-Town but you can’t bring Gwendolyn the Red Wolf says so I think he’s pissed. Yo, you still owe me from those Churros and shit at Pitchfork but just feed me drinks at Gold Room and it’s all good but not Gwendolyn the Red Wolf says I think his heart is broken. Can you please just ditch those dorks and come get gross?

Dude so this weekend me and the Red Wolf partied so balls I thought I was going to go blind for real this time. Especially after we ripped tubes and met up with those broke hoes at The Monty on 7th. The Red Wolf was all like “Dude, we’ve ripped so many tubes I feel like I just really need to go to church right now” and I was straight up not having it especially after New Years but we shouldn’t have packed half of those tubes with the crystals from the bottom of my grinder so I guess that’s what I deserve plus we were taking unbelievable rips and texting with these girls at Short Stop. Anyway, the Wolf is like “I’m not feeling so hot, please Seedz, I’m serious, I don’t want to keep living my life this way” and I’m like “What do you expect?  After vaping all that oil I ought to change your name to Richard Pipes right now” but yo I just heard the line at Little Joy blows so we probably won’t go there but lets figure something out, how are you?

Hey you should bring your friend, not Gwendolyn, the one who looks like Ron Karkovice that girls fucking hilarious. Yo I was at afterhours in Echo Park last night and a bunch of people were talking about how you used to work at Blockbuster but got fired for stealing copies of “Romeo is Bleeding” is that shit true?  I told everyone it wasn’t and if it was anything it would have been copies of “Corky Romano” and everyone laughed like bastards so you kind of got clowned but it’s all love. Bro last night there were these hispanic girls bringing the heat out in Westlake by the Park and it was some of the rawest shit I’ve ever seen it ended up in a glass bottle throwing fight and two of them kept shielding themselves behind this car I don’t even know if it was theirs until 5.0 showed up I think it was all over pictures of someone’s kid someone put up on Instagram or some shit.  What’s extra fucked is no one’s even cleaned up all the glass yet and there’s kids running around everywhere but I guess you just chalk it up to the Park.

Whatever though text me back Lydia, Wand is playing at The Smell next week it’s all ages so it might be clown hour but we’ll still get our faces shredded oh FYI we’re thinking of hitting up Burrito King instead of Brite Spot later Brite Spot is played, we were going to get Tamales but I forgot it’s Monday. Speaking of, Uber is 3x as much tonight for some reason I don’t know why but it’s true I promise. You should make night moves, the Red Wolf will be there I think he’s bringing some cousins from Azusa Pacific we don’t know if they’re cool but whatever let’s make night moves.

Yo, have you heard 107 opens at 3 now instead of 4 that shit is the shit but I went the other day and they didn’t open till 4:40 some shit to do with the taps. You can take the subway straight to 107 and it’s like a dollar fifty but they never check so live your dream but go during the week on weekends it’s douche and there’s always that huge line for losers. If you get on at the Westlake stop don’t let any of those shadeballs on Alvarado try to sell you any crack or Fake ID’s these dudes in the Park got Oxy but I think they might be MS-13 so whatever. Lydia what the fucks even your deal these days I feel like I never hear from you anymore but my phone’s been dead for the last week till I made some executive decisions. Oh yeah, is Gwendolyn still into the Red Wolf for real? He says it’s over but I still think he’s got mad affection and every time she gets brought up he gets all quiet and shit and lately he doesn’t even want to pre-game before Gold Room and that’s how I know it’s extra fucked. Personally, I don’t mind Gwendolyn. She’s not basic and she tells fun stories I can’t believe I made out with her one friend who looks like Ernest Borgnine at Chavo that was raw please don’t tell anyone, I’m serious.

Dude the other day on my way back to the Park the subway got straight Thunderdome and these kids were rolling blunts open and unpunished it was raw as hell but I was into it. I’m serious about 107 during the day, it’s fun but it gets raw because there’s no bouncer and free pizza. It’s crazy to think that that’s all those dudes who live at the King Eddy and crank meth with community showers and shit live off of. They push off and then pop in for the pizza saying all kinds of crazy shit, so you just smile and nod your head as long as they don’t behave like garbage. You should see some of these dudes. Como se dice “raw”?

Oh man, the old lady who lives above me has this new boyfriend and I’m pretty sure they hook up cause he’s got this new hat but anyway they both look at me like “Who are you?” but at the same time it’s like “Who are YOU?  You can’t even keep cat food out of your hair” and I’ll tell everyone. I forgot to tell you Tuesday is $2 cans at La Cita the Red Wolf and I are pre-gaming at Chavo but I think it’s artwalk that night so it might be a god damn zoo. 7th street gets thick as hell though, watch yourself when you’re walking back from The Monty, I’ll keep my phone on it should be solid some dude just sold me a new battery so I’m back in business. Dude, I know it gets raw but the other day the Park was so tight everyone in the hood was just chilling with their windows and doors open and everyone was out on their steps and it was all love in the hood. The Park is tight as hell but the worst part is sometimes you can’t even see the stars. But yo Lydia I think our Uber just pulled up hit me back and lets make night moves my phone is dying so holler ASAP.

Talk to you soon.


p.s. The Red Wolf has a Groupon for Dominos.