Thursday, January 16, 2014

Now I Have Boots Now

By: Ben Johnson

The boots I have.

I have boots. I am wearing boots. On my feet. I’m a guy in boots right now. A boots guy. Do I look okay in them? Do I look like a guy who wears boots or is this just the weird boots day for the non-boots guy? I don’t know and I don't really care even. But guess what: I’m wearing boots right now.

When my Mom asked what I wanted for Christmas, the only thing was boots. And then I got boots. Nice boots. These are the good boots. The expensive ones that you have to take good care of but then they are always your boots for years and years and years. I have them. Boots. I’m wearing them. They’re boots.

Never really been a boots guy. I had boots when I was in 7th grade. A pair of cheap combat boots. And a pair of cheap used thrift store blue Doc Martens that were a size too small on me. I had boots sometimes and I listened to Pantera sometimes and also I didn’t have boots sometimes and I listened to Spin Doctors sometimes. I was in 7th grade. I didn’t know which way I was gonna go. Boots way or not boots. I eventually went with not boots and also not Spin Doctors. Not boots seemed like it had more girls involved. Also I had uncomfortable boots. Also my feet were still growing.

Now, like just now right as I’m telling you this, I decided to go with boots. Just wear boots and not have to worry about what I am wearing on my feet. The answer is gonna be boots from now on. Is the idea. Be a boots guy is the idea. Guy in boots.

I rubbed oil on my boots last night to make the leather on my boots soft. Two nights ago it was a sealant. I got the sealant in the mail three days ago and then later, yesterday, I got the oil in the mail. Both times I got these boot care fluids in the mail at work I then went home later that very day and rubbed each on my boots because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you have boots you care about. I wanted to rub this boot stuff on my boots. I did it carefully and deliberately. And: I was anxious to do it so I could wear my boots and know they’re protected against all the anti-boot forces of the world.

These boots are so nice they need my help to be the best boots. I can’t just wear them the way they are until they’re ruined. I have to prepare the boots to be boots first. So I own boots products. Maybe in the future I will buy more. Maybe I will polish my boots at some point. They are nice boots. I could go to one of those shoe shine stands wearing these boots and the person who does shoe shines would think “This is appropriate footwear for the service I provide” rather than “what is this, a joke? I’m a professional human with a specialized skill, I don’t need to be mocked.” Or I could do it myself at home and that would also be appropriate. I’d sit on a stool hunched over my boots, taking care of them to make sure they’re boots. I want to take good care of these boots. They are my boots. They are nice boots.

Oh wow. I just realized. If something bad happened to these boots, I could take them to a professional boot-repairer place. Like when you walk past one of those places that has all the shoes in the window and they’re not even for sale. They’re just somebody else’s shoes that an old guy in glasses and an apron fixed. I’m imagining an old guy in glasses because I don’t know what is really in those places. I know that in the window of these stores there is sometimes a stack of shoes that somebody once cared enough about to drop off at a shoe repairer’s shop instead of just throwing away. I could do that now. I care that amount about these boots I’m wearing.

I like these boots.

I am not worried that I might look stupid in these boots. I don’t think I look stupid in these boots. They’re my boots. I’m gonna be a boots guy now. If you see me, I’ll be wearing these boots on my feet. Then later if you see me again a different time, guess what. I will also probably be wearing the same boots. That’s gonna be me. I’m ready for that.

Right now these boots look like new boots. But then later probably they will start to look like old boots that get worn all the time. All I have to do is wear them all the time. I am prepared to do that. In my life. I am ready.

If I keep wearing these boots like I intend to, all the time for, like, some years of my life, I will probably get to the point where I don’t even think about them anymore. I will take these boots for granted. They will just be my boots. This is kind of the goal of even having boots. It makes me a little sad to think about this. Right now I am excited about these boots. Too excited. If you saw me on the street and asked me what I am up to these days I would probably want to tell you as much as I just told you about my boots. Like a nine minute conversation that’s just me talking about my boots. You would walk away from this conversation thinking “Ben is an odd person.”

But maybe you would totally get it too. This is big. This is the biggest thing in my life right now. I’m changing. I’m becoming a boots guy. This is not some small thing I can do on a whim. I know this. I’m trying to do it right. I’m getting special boot things in the mail and I’m rubbing those boot things onto my new boots with a rag I cut out of an old sweatshirt I decided I can’t wear anymore because I dropped a meatball on it that one time and now even if I’m just wearing it around the house somebody might ring the doorbell or I might need to go get something in the world and if so I immediately look like a degenerate in a meatball grease sweatshirt who is not to be trusted around children or polite adults. I cut that sweatshirt up with scissors and I use the rags of it to rub oil on my boots now.

Today the boots are more comfortable than they were yesterday before I put the boot oil on them. They are not completely comfortable yet but I’m only on boots day four now so I’m not going to sweat it. More comfort than yesterday is a step in the right direction. Maybe I will oil them again tonight. Can you over-oil boots? I am Googling that now. I need to know that.

I bet tomorrow will be even better than today is, boot-wise. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here, because boots are a process and not a destination. Today’s good too. But I’m excited about tomorrow also. Because of boots. That's good. 

Thanks, boots. You're good boots. You're like best friends for my feet. I love you. I know it's soon to say that but I don't care. All I want in my life right now is for you two boots to be my boots. Look at you. What if I move this way? Yep. You're still boots. Man. That's so great.

Anyway, I am wearing boots. And that’s what’s going on with me. I wear boots now. That’s the plan for the forseeable future. Okay. Have a good one.