Events are important, you know? Milestones are important. Here at Total Bozo, we pay close attention to who likes us, and who we like back. We like everyone!! Yesterday we achieved a thing, and that thing was our 100th Twitter follower. I told the Internet that I'd write an original poem about whoever our 100th Twitter follower was, and that 100th Twitter follower was @johnlongsleeves - AKA Kony Soprano. This is for you, Kony Soprano. God I love you so much.
Oh, beautiful, thick lipped Long Sleeves,
the first person you followed on Twitter was Magic Jake,
but you, YOU, are magic to us.
You have blonde hair, or maybe orange.
Orange is the color of sunshine, and guess what you are to us? The very sun that shines.
So shine on, Kony my pony. Oh you so nasty.
You don't like to leave the house without a watch, but watch this,
my love for you is like a humid dew.
You are 23, which means you are past your sexual peak, but just barely.
Or maybe not at all. Maybe you never had it.
Maybe you're a shy boy.
You like pizza, and that's hot.
You like ice cream, and that's cool.
On my birthday, May 13th, you were troubled
by people who put decals on their cars.
"Gonna start hittin all the food groups tomorrow,"
you said as I celebrated the day of my birth
at the zoo.
I hope you did
hit them food groups.
I hope you did.
Stay tuned for another original poem about our 200th Twitter follower, whenever that follower should come to follow!