Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Another Poem, This One’s About @SamReiss, Our Second 100th Twitter Follower, Because I Guess We Do This

By: Ben Johnson

If you are a devoted follower of Total Bozo Magazine, and you are definitely not but let’s just say there is such a thing and you are it, then you already know that we celebrate having 100 Twitter followers pretty hard around here. How hard? Original Poem About You Hard. Six days ago our dear friend Kony Soprano helped us over the hundred follower threshold of not-anywhere-close-to-respectability. It was righteous and glorious and poetic.

Now? Some joker done went and unfolleed us, and we gots to get refolleed agin.

Well, a promise is a promise, even if it’s a promise to nobody, and we celebrate 100th followers with original poems. That’s just what we do. Sam Reiss followed us this time. He’s our second 100th follower. Here is a poem about his life that I wrote because I am a delightful poet:

By: Ben Johnson

Remember that time
we tweeted back and forth
about different snacks
available in different minor league baseball parks
and it wasn’t great for anybody
but us
and then later you told that guy
from espn
to read that thing I wrote
about my name
from back when you were the sports editor
at vice
that was nice
of you
you seem nice
I’ve been told to mention your soft supple lips
And the fact that you sell cro-mags t-shirts on ebay
Okay, but…
I kind of know you, right?
I’m not gonna read all eleven thousand of your tweets
you seem like a solid dude who tweets about sports a lot
and good work on that
and I hope you think the same thing about me
now I’m writing a poem about you
because you followed a thing on a thing
and man,
I pretty feel stupid about it
To tell you the truth
I mean, Sam Reiss is great
Case closed
It’s pretty evident
Something about baleful eyes here
And maybe find out if he’s Jewish
The fucking cable guy has balls to pull a stunt like this
sorry just needed to vent