Monday, June 17, 2013

An Important Review of Austra's 'Olympia', As Told to by Emily Dickinson

I (Kelly McClure) feel as though I've talked about Austra too much already. So much, in fact, that I've embarrassed myself, and most likely have a restraining order against me. I love this band. LOVE IT. I love them in the sun, or in the dark, or on a boat, or in a moat. I love them forever and ever, amen, praise the Lord. But enough about me and what I love, the important thing to take into consideration here is: What does Emily Dickinson think about their new album, Olympia? Here is her track by track review of it. And you may be wondering how I came to gather first hand knowledge of her feelings about this album. Is that what you're wondering? Well I'll tell you. I AM EMILY DICKINSON'S GHOST. You can Tweet that if you want to. 

"What We Done" - I'm a lesbian too. 

"Forgive Me" - This song is good to listen to super loud while hiding scraps of paper around your house, and in the walls and such.

"Painful Like" - I pull a flower from the woods - a monster with a glass - computes the stamens in a breath - and has her in a "class." Also, the publicist for this band is believed to have personality problems. 

"Sleep" - I don't like to leave the house very much.

"Home" - Sometimes I like to put candy in a bucket and lower it down from my bedroom window for the neighborhood children to fetch and enjoy. I'd like to put Katie Stelmanis in a bucket and raise it up into my room and then dump her out into my vagina.

"Fire" - I could not deem it late - to hear  - That single - steadfast sigh - The lips had placed as with a "Please" - Toward Eternity. This song sounds so good in headphones that it makes me want to backflip over my antique dresser and onto the back of a horse, which I would then ride into a body of cold water, feeling more free and alive than I ever have before. Do you like horses, Katie?

"I Don't Care (I'm a Man)" - I have never felt a man's touch on my nethers. Um, have you? Wait, this song is so short. I didn't even get through with typing this before it was over. Oh well.

"We Become" - This is one of my favorite songs on the album because it's very layered and reminds me of that one time I tried booze. I bet all the Peter Pan looking lesbos dance to this at the lesbo dance nights and hold onto each other's hips in a not very intimate, awkward way, while kind of staring off into the distance.

"Reconcile" -  A Coffin - is a small Domain, Yet able to contain - A Citizen of Paradise - In its diminished Plane. Replace "coffin" with "vagina" and there you go. You know what I'm saying?

"Annie (Oh Muse, You)" - At this point I can safely say that I wish  this album was 25 years long. I have really been enjoying listening to this with headphones on, while staring out the window at the flapping leaves. Hi, Katie!!

"You Changed My Life" - If I were still alive, and currently planning a gay wedding, I might suggest to my pre-wife that we play this at our gay wedding, when that gay wedding takes place. 

"Hurt Me Now" - This is my other favorite song on the album. It makes me sweaty underneath my handkerchiefs.  

Well, that's about it then. Keep reading my poems. I hid a bunch more in parts of different walls that people haven't even found yet, but I've been dead for so long now that it's like, who cares.